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Factors to consider before sharing secrets in a relationship

Most times, we fail to remember that there are factors to consider before sharing secrets, especially when love is involved. One really need to understand the fact that love is not just enough when it comes to revealing anything about you. I’m not trying to say that the second party is not worth it. But this is not about worth, it is more than that, there are other factors you should put into consideration before letting the cat out of the bag. Ok, I think I should be very clear here.

There are certain things that you should not hide in some relationships (like in terms of marital relationship) this is a very special case, remember there is a vow involved in this relationship (husband and wife). But for other relationships, you need to think beyond love before revealing things about yourself.

My take on sharing secrets in any other forms of relationship

Though yes I would agree that even in a very serious and promising relationship, in other words during courtship I believe there are some things your partner should actually know about you before vows are made to spend your lives together forever. Most of these things are things that could probably shape your relationship in a bad way if found out later. So the earlier the better. Though like I mentioned, usually for promising relationships.

Personally, I believe that a secret being shared is barely still a secret. Many a time, we share secrets to people we feel we can trust and confide in but then often times some of these people we feel we can confide in could also have others they feel they can confide in. If you couldn’t keep what you referred to as a secret then what makes you think they can? In that case, we could say, a secret shared is no longer a secret.

But anyway, I do understand the feeling of wanting to get a secret off your chest sometimes by sharing it with a trustworthy other. In this case, there are lots of factors that should be put into consideration before bringing all your dirty linens out in the open.

These other factors are so simple, a good number of them we are pretty much aware of, but we only just don’t consider them often. Probably because we are most times blindfolded as well as quick to trust.

7 important factors to consider before sharing secrets in a relationship

Your relationship with them

Sometimes some people don’t even care to put the relationship they have with the other party into consideration before letting the cat out of the bag and littering the whole house with the cat(I could have stopped at letting the cat out of the bag LOL…. well bite me…. but you get the point).

Anyways, there are some people who are in the habit of trusting so fast without considering the fact that they hardly even know the other party. The types that meet someone today and before the following day, you can draw their family tree down to their ancestry.

Oftentimes(well more like all the time), It’s better to define your relationship with someone properly. Be sure you have a close relationship with them and you know them well enough before telling them things that could be regarded as secrets or confidential except you are filing a medical form and something like “how many times do you have sex daily” is a secret to you(LOL, but you get my point).

Confidentiality

Confidentiality is the state of keeping or being kept secret or private. It’s obviously a state of having another’s trust or confidence; entrusted with secrets or private affair. Well yeah take it or leave it, after properly defining your relationship, this is still the number one factor to consider before sharing a secret with just anyone. Can you confide in them? Do you trust them? Can they keep secrets or do their mouth leak?

One of the ways to identify someone you can’t and shouldn’t trust easily is they are very fast and comfy to tell you other people’s secret. If they can comfortably do that what makes you think they can’t comfortably tell others yours. You might be thinking they just trust you. True but well it doesn’t always work like that.

On the other hand, there are people who could tell you secrets about themselves easily but when it comes to someone else you could hear them say something like “it’s someone else’s secret, not mine, else I would have told you” now that’s confidentiality. In that case, it might not be that they don’t actually trust you but then, someone else trusted them not to leak their secrets. In other words, Trusting them to keep it confidential irrespective of who they are talking to.

It’s one thing to share your own secret but another to share someone else’s – DollyMchottney

Maturity

How matured are they? Of course, you would agree with me that maturity is a very important factor to put into consideration before revealing your secret. Some people are so immature not to mention talk so much that they can rat out anything without due consideration. And of course what of situations when feelings and relationship change? How mature are they?

You may trust your friend, he/she can keep your secret safe anytime, any day. But that is the case where you guys are in good terms. What if you both have a serious misunderstanding, at this point, it only takes maturity to keep your secret safe. If the person is mature enough, then you can be sure that all confidential information of yours is safe. To be safe you have to first be sure that he/she is mature enough to keep them undisclosed and safe even when you are both not in good terms or are fighting or whatever maybe the problem.

Security

Some pieces of information are better not disclosed if the security of the receiver of the information will be at stake. It gets me crying when people die after certain information have been disclosed to them and they probably disclose it too. I mean, If the security of a person is going to be threatened by the disclosure of information, I see no reason why it should be revealed. Personally, I prefer not to know things about people that threaten their lives because it may put mine at stake too.

Must read: The secret to a long and lasting relationship

Will it hurt someone

I did mention security earlier in terms of if receivers life or the discloser is at stake. Well, this point in question takes a little bit of a different dimension in terms of will it rather hurt or affects someone physically, mentally or emotionally? Or something that could affect how others treat the person.

Well, there are some really delicate secrets that when shared could actually emotionally hurt someone but we might not see it in the same light. Probably because it doesn’t seem like much of a secret to you but could be to them. These are things that are a little delicate to the other party and so at the end of the day, we have to actually consider it and be sure it wouldn’t actually cause any form of hurt to the other party.

The personality/character of the second party

This is another important factor to consider before sharing secrets. Just like i mentioned earlier, For instance, if you know your friend talks a lot when he is drunk, I think it will be wise to keep certain things about yourself to yourself. You can have a close friend that talks too much, he/she always tell you what people do. If those persons informations. are not safe, why will you think yours will be safe too. Your friend may not have the intention to hurt you (of course he is your friend) but his character and personality still remain the same. So, what can I say, wisdom is profitable, put it into good use? Regrets are bad.

Is there really need

Sometimes this is also a question we also need to ask and actually consider at the end of the day because you’d agree with me that the moment we weigh our pros and cons and ask ourselves if somethings really need to be said, we’d realize that most of the time they don’t actually need to be said after all.

We realize it’s not bothering us, it’s delicate and most likely not even necessary or called for and often times we might not even be totally comfortable or feel safe with the other person knowing, then what really is the essence? Is there really need?

If not, then isn’t it best just keeping it to yourself if indeed it’s a secret. On the other hand, if you are in a position where there seem to be needed, then that’s much more understandable.

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