8 Intelligent Approaches To Fixing A Struggling Relationship

 

A relationship is like a house. When the light bulbs burn out you do not go out to buy a new house, you fix the light bulbs.

Many of us believe we can solve our relationship problems by getting out of them and finding a new person. It might be that all you need to do is change the light bulb of the relationship. We believe that people are replaceable or exchangeable. We are so quick to judge him or her and move on to the next person. Only to experience the same problem, or even worse.

We have learned to be independent and self-made. It is a good form of discipline but when such attitude is taken too extremely, it will interfere in our relationship. No one is replaceable by anyone else. Don’t see that girl like a pair of shoes you picked up from a store. Your partner came into your life for a greater reason in perfect timing. 

He or she is human with flaws but also filled with endowed probity. Don’t abandon someone because they need some adjustments. Don’t forget that everyone needs some inner work. 

This concept doesn’t mean you should endure an unhealthy relationship. No that’s far from it. A successful relationship requires both parties to put in their all with honesty. It’s not just about finding love, it’s about keeping it.

Every relationship has its problem, but what makes it perfect is if you still want to be together when things go wrong. You might decide to leave no stone unturned until you come across someone perfect. The truth is you’ll be disappointed for the rest of your relationship cause there’s no such one.

If you move into a new house. The house might not have everything you need, sometimes you need to renovate or make some adjustments to bring it to your taste.

The same goes for any relationship.Don’t expect a perfect person made just for you to walk up to you. You should have the desire to put effort into making things work.

In every relationship, we will encounter someone who will test our capacity for sacrifice, compromise, patience, and tolerance.

A real relationship that endures through time is one in which you have poured more love, effort, and understanding than you ever thought possible for you.

Relationships last long not because you were destined to last. Relationships last because two people choose to keep it, fight for it, and work for it. You will always come across someone that needs fixing.

Just believe in the power of a relationship. It’s even better when you realize that there’s no way you can magically appear in one of those fairytale relationships.

If you find yourself in a weak, broken, or collapsing relationship and you believe that relationship is still worth it. Don’t give up yet. A strong relationship requires choosing to love each other even in those moments where you struggle to like each other.

Consider these eight ways to save your struggling relationship

8 Intelligent Ways To Fixing A Struggling Relationship

1. Re-evaluate The Reason Why You Are In That Relationship

Relationships are hard and require work. But if they’re more bad times than good times you have to reevaluate that relationship. Time is too valuable to be in a pointless relationship.

You have to go all the way back to where it started. The day you met, what drew you close to that person in the first place? The qualities you find interesting and valuable? What made them so loveable and amazing? Have they lost all that mojo? If you forget what brought you together in the beginning, there’s no way you can remember if that relationship is worth your effort. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but in the end, it’s going to be worth it.

Reevaluating your relationships reminds you to stay together. This will strengthen an already existing foundation. Ask the partner things they love and hate about you. Don’t be afraid of criticism and self-improvement. You need it if you want to keep that relationship going. 

Sometimes it might be they never stopped possessing those amazing qualities you fell in love with, it might be you stopped seeing those things for some reason you just can’t explain. This is where communication is important.

2. Communication

Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it, It dies.

A simple talk can save millions of relationships in this world. Only if both sides are willing to make things right.

There are two ways to communicate with your partner; we have the wrong way and the right way. The right way is to ask your partner relevant questions and listen to their response before bringing up your opinion.

While the wrong way is pouring out your worries and irritations on your partner after a long day at work or when they feel stressed out.

Practice effective speech by engaging your partner in a conversation of their interest. You should know about their day before to understand the type of conversation they need at the moment.

People open up easily when you first inquire about how their day went, about their progress in their business, their project, their feelings.

They may never talk about it if you didn’t ask, it’s not wrong to be the first person to make their day. After giving them listening ears, you offer your side of the story.

Don’t bring up heavy conversation in stressful times, it’s not healthy for either of you. Stay calm. Approach the topic again when you’re sure you’re both feeling better.

Don’t act as if your voice matters most therefore it needs to be heard. Relax and just go straight to the core of the matter, by drawing your partner into a dialogue first.

The most important thing is to talk. It’s extremely wrong and dangerous to assume he or she knows what the relationship needs. Let go of your ego, don’t wait for your partner to have a conversation with you first.

It might be you are the one who came back from work late and he or isn’t asking you about it. Say something. Ask about his day instead.

Don’t say you’re trying to avoid any form of conflict, in fact, such a mindset is a symptom of lack of communication. Love is impossible without a conversation.

If you both decided to keep quiet about your feelings, you would never have fallen in love in the first place, think about that. What makes you think you can get the relationship going without talking to each other.

3. Revisit Your Honeymoon Phase

This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be married to have experienced this phase. Every relationship has a honeymoon phase.

You could visit your favorite restaurant where you guys haven’t been in ages. Or go to the place you two first fell in love. Being in a special place that reminds you of the memories of strong attachment can reignite passion. Or you try something new.

Just do something together as a couple. It mustn’t be something out of the ordinary. It might be taking a walk in the park. Spending your date on the beach. Hold hands all day expressing your love and affection. Playing a game you both love.

“Happiness is all about the simple things that you do together as a couple.”

A honeymoon is an opportunity to reconnect with one another and lose yourselves in blissful romance. You both might be a little stressed out from work. Your frustrations might be affecting your relationship. Take a break.

Go on vacation together, just the two of you. Leaving all else aside and making the love you share your priority. 

Do things together as often as you can and see the relationship get more exciting. This is where you focus solely on love.

You can’t change your relationship, but you can change the attitude you put into that relationship.

4. Cut Out External Influences

Many of us are so good at talking to friends and colleagues about what goes on in our relationship. We are so desperate to hear their opinion and contribution to that relationship.

Sometimes it is those voices that ooze into our private relationship and brew up toxicity. Understand who’s playing a not-so-positive role in your relationship and keep that person out. Let your relationship be as private as possible and give out a few details as you can.

A relationship is between you and the person you’re with. Stop letting outsiders plant their opinion in something they’re not involved in. Focus on the person you’re with not the people trying to tear you apart in the name of fixing things up for you too.

Relationships last longer when nobody knows your business. Let the whole world know you two are together if you want to, but the world must know nothing about you and your partner.

When you keep your relationship private, you close it up to the superficial and open it up to the kind of substantial benefits that can only grow between two people.

Time spent talking to people, you should take that time and effort to dialogue with your partner and confess your concerns to them.

5. Forgive Each Other

Forgo the negative emotions keeping you from true forgiveness. Remind yourself that whatever happened, happened and that there is no reason to drag your past into your future.

Lingering on hurtful memories only perpetuates them. Be mindful that forgiveness is a process, not a result, so perform small, daily acts that are reflective of your intent to pardon. 

To forgive is to detach every feeling of bitterness, animosity, anger that is holding you back from progressing with your partner. It is pursuing healing instead of punishment when your partner wronged you.

There is no love with forgiveness and no forgiveness without love. Love is an act of endless forgiveness and a tender look that becomes a habit. Every strong relationship needs forgiving hearts.

6. Be Honest With Your Partner

You see if you’re keeping something from your partner, it simply means you have good intentions to protect him or her. You are afraid of hurting your partner so you ensure they never find out the truth. It is normal. But know that those good intentions can backfire, especially when they find things out on their own.

Do you know honesty can trigger wonders in a relationship? It is in fact the highest form of intimacy. It builds trust which is important for a strong and healthy relationship. Admitting one secret or a past mistake to your partner may make them open up to you too.

Don’t try to be perfect, just be honest.

7. Set Boundaries With Each Other

“It is necessary and even vital to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it”-Mandy Hale

Don’t go along with everything your partner asks of you. It can lead to disappointment and resentment. Be honest about your limitations and keep to your word. If you set a rule for your partner, set a similar one for yourself.

Don’t tell your partner not to come home late if you’re going to be staying out late. If you can’t keep to a particular schedule, let your partner know. He is not some mind reader or something. 

Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Teach your partner how to treat you by deciding what you will and will not accept. Yes, it takes a lot of practice and determination. Don’t let low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.

Tell your partner honestly what you would like them to do or not do, then be prepared to accept the boundaries they set for you, too. Maintaining a relationship within comfortable bounds avoids argument, explosion, and setbacks.

It aids mutual growth if you and your partner respect each other’s wishes. Don’t be too selfish to only project your standards before your partner’s, it’s a two-way street after all. It also promotes trust and security in a relationship.

8. Always Say Thank You

Take time to appreciate even the smallest effort your partner put into the relationship. He or she buys you a present, don’t take it for granted, say thank you.

The more you take his or her effort for granted the more you feel taken for granted. Appreciate everything he does to make life easier and better for the two of you.

It’s okay to look at your partner and just say, “Thank you for being the reason why I smile.” 

Don’t wait till he or she does something nice, always show him or her how grateful you are to be by his or her side.

Conclusion

You can’t give up on someone because the situation is not ideal. Great relationships are not great because they have no problem. They are great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work. It’s about seeing yourself and finding happiness together. It’s about seeing an imperfect person perfectly. 

 

see also;

10 Real Signs and symptoms of a failing relationship

9 Signs To Know When To Walk Away From A Failing/Failed Relationship

WHY CHANGE FEELS SO DISCOMFORTING – 5 FACTORS CAUSING IT