You’ve finally found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but there’s something about them that just doesn’t feel right. You may not even know exactly what it is, but something’s off. This can be hard to pinpoint if you’re just getting to know someone, so instead of trying to figure out if you’re dating a narcissist or if they have some other personality disorder, start by looking out for these signs that your partner might be self-obsessed and focused on themselves over you.
Entitlement
If your partner feels entitled—like he or she deserves constant praise, admiration and special treatment—it could be a red flag for narcissism. Of course, not everyone who thinks they deserve special treatment has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but it’s worth considering.
After all, you can’t truly love someone else until you love yourself first—and people with NPD almost always struggle with feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing. It’s vital that we remember what healthy self-esteem looks like so we can tell when it’s been hijacked by an unhealthy dose of narcissism, says Ben Michaelis, PsyD, author of Should You Leave?: The Dr.
They try to make it seem like they are always busy
So many people feel compelled to share their constant stream of activities on social media. If someone’s always going and doing, it’s probably because they want you (and everyone else) to see that they’re so busy. It can be hard not to get swept up in being included in someone else’s hustle—but remember that it’s not all about you.
A narcissist also wants you to know how great life is with them as your partner. Sharing Facebook posts and Instagram pictures helps paint a picture of their perfect world, which may or may not be true depending on how they are feeling.
They’re aggressive about pursuing you
In dating, they were immediately pushing to meet your family, seeing you more often than you had planned, and making plans without consulting with you. They wouldn’t take no for an answer because they wanted what they wanted and didn’t see any need to compromise or accommodate anyone else’s feelings or needs.
On top of that, narcissists tend not to be very flexible in their thinking—if something doesn’t go according to plan, it’s not their fault; it’s always someone else’s. If things don’t work out between you two, keep your guard up—it could be really tempting when all those old romantic gestures start back up again once they’ve got another date lined up.
They’re extremely self-absorbed
A person who is narcissistic may be very concerned with their own image, thoughts and feelings. They are often described as self-centred or self-absorbed, which isn’t necessarily always a bad thing. But when it comes to personal relationships, it can lead to problems for both partners involved.
If you want your relationship to last, it’s important that both of you feel appreciated and acknowledged. In some cases of dating narcissists (and other forms of narcissism), that’s simply not possible.
For them, they have to be recognized as superior or they feel insignificant; therefore they need someone else in their lives who will constantly compliment them and tell them how great they are — even though there’s nothing behind those words or actions but selfishness on their part.
They have an obvious lack of empathy
Studies have found that narcissists are more likely than non-narcissists to react aggressively in response to feelings of shame. In one study, for example, adults who scored high on narcissism reacted with anger and hostility when they were reminded of their mortality (Peterson et al., 2008).
Also, when adults were asked whether they would step in front of a train to save someone else from getting hit (and subsequently killed), narcissists were less likely than others to step in and help. In other words, people who score highly on measures of narcissism don’t seem to care very much about how their actions affect other people or what other people think about them.
Everything has to be on their terms
Narcissists aren’t people who go through life looking for new experiences and opportunities—instead, they seek out situations that allow them to be in control.
If they join your social group, it’s because they want to become its leader; if you date them, it’s so they can always be one step ahead of you; and if you start dating someone who later reveals themselves as a narcissist, chances are you were more of an accessory than an equal partner.
Whether or not any of those situations have negative consequences for you, narcissists won’t change their behaviour because it makes things easier or better for other people. It’s always about them.
They will blame you or someone else for problems
The other person always seems to be at fault in your narcissist’s world. Don’t expect them ever take responsibility for anything that goes wrong. They are always right, and you are always wrong; it’s as simple as that. Even when they’ve done something terrible, they will not acknowledge it or apologize.
They can even make you feel guilty for bringing it up! Even when they do apologize—and most of them will never really apologize or change their ways—it will seem like nothing more than an attempt to restore control in some way or another.
It won’t be an apology based on compassion, but rather one based on a desire to have things go back to how they were before you brought up whatever wrongdoing occurred.
Nothing they do is ever wrong
If you’ve ever had an argument with your partner that never seems to end, you may be dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies. It’s easy to get caught up in defending yourself and proving why they did something wrong, but that defence can take over your whole relationship.
In order for there to be any resolution, narcissists have to understand how their actions affect others—and since they don’t see anything wrong with themselves or what they do, it can be extremely difficult for them to truly change.
If you feel like everything is about them and nothing will ever change that perception, it might not be worth trying. People aren’t perfect and relationships are messy, but no one should make you feel bad just for being who you are.
Rage and emotional abuse
It’s also important to understand that narcissists can be emotionally abusive. They don’t view their actions as hurtful; they view them as correct. To them, everyone else is wrong and needs to be put in their place—which can sometimes make a narcissist seem like a rage monster.
Thinking they are unique, special, perfect and entitled to only the best
All narcissists believe they are superior human beings. While some might seem humble, their grandiose self-view can be seen in every interaction, from condescending words and looks, which reflect contempt and disgust for others, to haughty body language.
As they care only about themselves and nothing else, you’ll often feel unimportant or like an annoying intrusion into their life. If you try to call them out on their behaviour—or set firm boundaries—they’ll tell you that you are crazy or delusional. And when they feel threatened or criticized in any way, they respond with rage.
Manipulation
A narcissist will manipulate you in an effort to get what he wants. In fact, manipulating others is common practice for narcissists. Because narcissists are inherently selfish and self-centred, they do not have any problems using people or lying in order to get what they want. If you catch your partner making excuses and blaming other people, it’s likely because he has been caught in a lie.
They need constant validation
Someone who needs constant validation from others isn’t really sure about their own self-worth and feels threatened by criticism or rejection. They’re also likely to be insecure, which causes them to overreact when they feel like you don’t love them as much as they love you.
Of course, even good relationships involve some level of giving and take—you can’t spend every moment doting on each other—but it’s worth noting whether your partner regularly expects you to make an effort just because they can’t stand being alone for too long.
For example, do they want to spend all their free time with you? Have they stopped going out with friends? Do they always need reassurance that things are going well between you two?
They put themselves on a pedestal
If you’ve fallen in love with a narcissist, they’ll have no problem making it clear that you’re lucky they even look your way. They exude an air of superiority and get upset when their partner doesn’t worship them like they believe they deserve.
You may feel like you need to walk on eggshells around them and do everything in your power to win their favour. But no matter what you do, they never seem happy and are constantly putting you down so that only they can rise above criticism.
After some time, it might be easy for you to begin feeling like everything’s your fault—but don’t fall for it!
They aren’t interested in investing in the relationship
If your partner is more interested in talking about themselves than they are in what you have to say, they may be exhibiting signs of narcissism. Since narcissists are self-obsessed, their primary interest lies in getting admiration and validation from other people.
As a result, they don’t care much about giving it back (which explains why narcissists so often fall in love with people who admire them). The less interested they become in investing time or energy into their relationship, the odds are high that you’re dating one.
They don’t care how you feel or what you think
In healthy relationships, both partners are concerned about and interested in their partner’s well-being. With narcissists, you’ll rarely see that happen. They only care about themselves and might feign interest in your experiences just to manipulate you into giving them something they want.
It’s hard not to feel like everything is all about them, which can be stifling or even exhausting over time. If there are no moments of compromise or reaching across on a regular basis, it might be time to reconsider whether or not you really want that person in your life.
They are manipulative and controlling
In other words, if you feel like you’re walking on eggshells in your relationship, it’s probably because you are. Narcissist wants what they want and they don’t want anyone interfering with their plans—not even you.
They might be especially demanding when it comes to certain aspects of your relationship—like how often you spend time together or even how much attention they get from other people while out in public. If things start feeling too lopsided, pay attention.
Their feelings and needs always come first
Narcissist will often put their own needs and feelings first, regardless of how that might impact them. If you say something they don’t like, they are likely to lash out at you and blame it on some flaw in yourself instead of taking responsibility for their behaviour.
They may attempt to humiliate you in public or degrade your interests or passions. A narcissist will always find ways to get what he wants, even if that means making sure his needs are met even if yours aren’t.
When they want something, they demand it right away
It’s easy to spot narcissists—all you have to do is listen. A narcissist’s words are typically focused on themselves and what they want, what they feel, or what they believe. They rarely ask about others’ interests and needs.
Often they aren’t even really listening when others speak. Instead of asking questions like what’d you do today? or how was work? narcissists talk about their problems and want and need, seemingly never considering that maybe there are other things going on in your life too.
Being in a relationship with an extreme narcissist can be exhausting because it takes so much energy away from tending to your own emotions and meeting your own needs for validation.
They say all the wrong things at the wrong time
If you’re hoping for compliments, adoration, and grand romantic gestures from your partner, then you’ve probably been in an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist.
While it can be easy to mistake narcissism for confidence or charm at first, there are certain telltale signs that will quickly let you know who you’re dealing with. One such sign?
If your partner says all of the wrong things at all of the wrong times (from I can never please them! to I don’t really need their opinion on things!), then they might just be self-obsessed narcissists who aren’t ready to commit.
Conclusion
Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they are good for you. It’s often hard to see narcissism in your partner when you first begin dating because people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can be quite charming. But their behaviour patterns can quickly become unhealthy and suffocating.
Unfortunately, narcissists rarely change their ways, even after years of marriage or long-term relationships, so it’s important to recognize red flags and escape early. If you think your partner might have NPD, pay attention to these warning signs; your self-esteem and peace of mind depend on it! Keep reading for more information on what defines narcissistic personalities and how they operate in romantic relationships…
Related articles
Dating a Narcissist: How It Changes You
26 POWERFUL WAYS DATING A NARCISSIST CHANGES YOU; POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE
Leave a Reply