HOW TO FORGIVE-Things that you should know

Everybody preaches forgiveness. But only a few know how to forgive. To know how to forgive there are some basic things you must know.

first,

WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offence, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance however justified it might be. (Wikipedia)

This definition contains a lot of truth about forgiveness. But first, where did forgiveness originate from? 

THE ORIGIN OF FORGIVENESS

As we grew up as children we get to a stage where justice becomes very important to us. Especially when you are raised in a good and moral family.

You so much believe in fairness and any event or situation that always shows that somebody is being treated unfairly we see it as an attack to us or to that person. We react in anger and resentment. That is why you always see children wanting to report to their parents over everything. Because they want justice and fairness.

This is a very good mindset that I encourage a lot. But so many people have still not grown to behold this stage. They don’t let go of their grievance just because they believe in fairness. 

But this article is not to make you stop being fair or to stop seeking justice but to rather help you consider letting go of your grievance against people and to take it personally. Trust me, there are so many benefits associated with it.

While I was doing a little research about this topic I stumbled on a statement in Wikipedia that says;

“Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the offence from consciousness), pardoning (granted for an acknowledged offence by a representative of society, such as a judge), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship)”

A lot of people are doing the wrong thing thinking it is forgiveness and sometimes it’s not.

In this article, I will try to unveil some basic truth about forgiveness, why it is important, and then help you know how to forgive.

THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT FORGIVENESS AND UNFORGIVENESS

1.Unforgiveness fuels Negative emotions

Whenever you continue to stay unforgiving, no matter how bad it might be, circumstance and environment work together to justify your reasons to not forgive who has wronged you.

This grows to hatred and anguish. Yet you feel you are justified to always to stay angry. 

Negative emotions are all you can get from being unforgiving. And we all know the consequences of negative emotions.

2. Forgiveness sets you free

it takes two to make a prisoner. If you don’t decide to forgive. You hold your grudge for that person in your heart and it affects your everyday especially when you see that person.

Until you sent that person free in your heart you cannot be free.

3. Forgiveness is a selfish act

The very bitter truth about forgiveness is that forgiveness is a selfish act. The other person does not have to feel sorry before you forgive them. Forgiveness is a decision. Forget about whether the person feels remorse or not. Forgiveness is a selfish act because you have to forgive the person without his or her permission or a certain level of remorse.

4. Unforgiveness makes you lose your emotional control

Another truth about unforgiveness is that it makes you lose your emotional control. You get angry whenever you see the other party. You lose a smile on your face when you remember what somebody did to you.

5. Forgiveness is a voluntary and intentional process

forgiveness is a voluntary and intentional process. It is strictly your decision to take. One way to know it doesn’t depend on other people is when you see people remain angry even after the other party have apologized. It is your decision and doesn’t depend on anybody and anything.

6. Forgiveness is a change in feeling and attitude

Another truth about forgiveness is that is a complete change in feeling and attitude. You don’t forgive people by only saying you forgive them, it involves your change in feeling and attitude towards that person.

HOW TO FORGIVE

Of course, I do not intend to complicate things for you by giving you a long list of steps that you should follow. 

But in just only 3 simple nuggets I will try to help you teach yourself how to forgive. Mind you, they are not in any particular order.

1.APPLY THE LAW OF SUBSTITUTION

Positive thoughts always cancel out negative so also, negative thoughts cancel out positive thoughts. It all depends on you.

It is not possible to bless and forgive another person and simultaneously be angry or upset. 

Each time you think of the other person say “I forgive him/her for everything, I wish him/her well and God bless him/her.”

2. ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY

All negative event that leads to anger or resentment has a certain level of your contribution. You did something that contributed to the situation.

You can accept responsibility for your share of what happened. You can then say, “I am responsible. I shouldn’t have gotten into the situation in the first place or stayed in so long. I should not have done what I did. I forgive him/her completely and let it go.”

It takes maturity to accept responsibility for your share of the situation.

3. DON’T WORRY ABOUT OTHERS OPINION

Don’t worry about what your friends will think or say when you decide to forgive people who have hurt you.

I have seen cases where people continue to hate others just because their friends would not agree.

Although this article is not about Good or Bad friends, I believe you do not need such friendships.

But for now, worry less about people’s opinions when it comes to forgiving others. It is more profitable to forgive than to stay angry.

 

see also

4 IMPORTANT GROUP OF PEOPLE YOU MUST FORGIVE

3 probable ways to fix a toxic relationship

HOW TO LIVE WITH INTEGRITY