9 Ways Narcissists React When They Can’t Control You

Narcissists are extremely fearful of being controlled. This, in part, is because they’re so afraid of losing control over themselves.

If they lose the ability to control their emotions, they’re worried that they won’t be able to control their anger or other destructive impulses and end up hurting someone or getting into trouble with the law, but it also has to do with the fact that they’re terrified of giving up control over you and being left alone to fend for themselves in an unpredictable world where everyone’s out to get them and take what’s theirs.

A narcissist will be threatened if they can’t control you, because they’ll see this as a sign of their own weakness and lack of influence.

When narcissist realizes that they can no longer influence you, they will quickly shift their tactics to try to regain control in any way possible. Read more about 10 ways narcissists react when they can’t control you below!

A narcissist’s goal in life is to control you, so it should come as no surprise that they’re unable to handle being unable to do so in any given situation.

Some narcissists learn to cope with this feeling by redirecting their energy toward another target, while others throw temper tantrums in an attempt to regain control.

Either way, there are many ways narcissists react when they can’t control you, and understanding these methods can help you protect yourself from them.

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How Does A Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You?

1. The silent treatment

The silent treatment is one of the most common ways narcissists respond when they can’t control you. It’s a passive-aggressive way to punish you for not doing what they want. Not only will this behaviour make you feel ignored, but it also gives them the sense that their power and control have been restored.

The best way to deal with this is to set firm boundaries and tell the person that if they don’t speak to you, then there’s nothing left for them to say. If they don’t respect your boundaries, then there’s no point in continuing a relationship with them. They’ll try to manipulate you into feeling guilty or ashamed: Manipulation is another narcissistic reaction.

The goal here is usually to get something from you or make you do something they want. Don’t let guilt or shame be the reason why people get away with mistreating you! They’ll threaten: Again, trying to use fear as a way of controlling someone else’s life is an obvious tactic for someone who cannot control anything else about themselves or other people.

2. Anger

Narcissists can react with anger when they cannot control you. This is because they have an innate sense of entitlement and believe that they should be able to control everything that they do. They may insult you, degrade you, or tell you how inadequate and worthless you are. If they’ve put a lot of time and effort into moulding your life the way they want it, then this reaction makes sense.

The truth is that no one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself- not even someone who says they love you. The best thing you can do is to remove them from your life as soon as possible. Cut off contact and get rid of any belongings that remind you of them so that their words won’t affect you anymore.

3. Tease and denial

Narcissists are experts at denial. Your words bounce off of them like they’re not even there, so you might as well be talking to a brick wall. There is no reasoning with someone who is in this state of mind, and there’s nothing you can do to make them see your side of things. The best thing to do in this situation is to remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible and hope that they come back down to earth soon enough.

It’s important to note that the length of time they stay in this state differs greatly depending on the individual narcissist, but it could take anywhere from a few hours to days before they return back to their old selves.

See Signs An Avoidant Loves You

4. Lies and manipulations

Narcissists, in their attempts to control you, will lie and manipulate you into feeling sorry for them. This is a technique that they use to get people on their side. It’s an emotional pull that is hard to resist. Once they’re able to make you feel sorry for them, it becomes much easier for them to use your compassion against you.

It’s important not to fall into this trap of feeling sorry for the narcissist because this will give them the opportunity they need in order to continue controlling and manipulating you. Even though being manipulated can leave you feeling frustrated, angry, and helpless, remember that you are strong enough to overcome this manipulation.

Don’t allow yourself to be pulled into someone else’s drama when they have no interest in putting forth any effort on their end. The only way a narcissist can maintain their control over others is if they can keep them in chaos by continuing to lie and manipulate those around them.

See 15 THINGS NARCISSISTS COMMONLY  SAY AND REAL MEANING

5. Denial

Narcissists are masters at denying reality. They will make up any excuse to cover up their mistakes and refuse to take responsibility for anything. No matter what you say, they will always believe that they are right and you are wrong. In order to deal with a narcissist’s denial, it is important that you don’t argue with them or try to convince them of the truth.

Remember that no amount of arguing will change their minds because this would validate them as an authority figures in your life. Instead, do your best to disengage from the situation by saying something like That may be how you see things but I see things differently.

If someone won’t let go of an argument and continues insisting on proving themselves right, walk away from the situation calmly because there is no point in getting angry. Although this may seem passive, people who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder thrive on power so it is important not to validate them by engaging in arguments. It is also necessary not to become defensive when dealing with a narcissist because if you are defensive then they will believe that they have power over you.

6. Gaslighting

The narcissist’s love-bombing is designed to make you feel wanted, needed, and admired. It can be tempting to get pulled in by the praise and flattery, but remember that the love bombing is only temporary. Once they’ve won you over, the narcissist will start showing their true colors. If you haven’t already got away from them, this is when it’s time to do so.

Keep your distance for a few days, then contact them out of the blue. Make sure you are in control of your emotions before doing so though; if you’re angry or frustrated about anything, don’t call until you have calmed down.

Keep your voice calm and neutral as well – don’t allow yourself to slip up! Don’t argue with them, just pretend to agree with what they say and change the subject back. Hang up after five minutes or so, then block their number on your phone and delete all social media connections with them.

If you were hoping for some kind of resolution or apology after blocking them, don’t hold your breath: the narcissist will most likely act as if nothing happened. Don’t waste any more energy on someone who doesn’t respect you enough to even admit defeat in an argument with you.

See 32 Weird Things Narcissists Do

7. Attacking your appearance/character

Narcissists will often attack your appearance or character to try and get a reaction from you. For example, they might insult your clothing and make you feel bad about yourself, or they might call you names to try and provoke an emotional response.

One narcissist I know would belittle me and then tell me that I deserved the abuse because I was so stupid. Another narcissist would always ridicule my accomplishments or find fault with my work just to keep me feeling small.

When he found out I had gotten accepted into grad school he told me how lucky I was and said it’s not like anyone wanted me anyway. He’d also brag about his own achievements as if mine didn’t matter at all in comparison. The worst part of this type of abuse is when people start taking on the same words and phrases as the abuser – it’s as if you start to believe what they’re saying about you.

8. Projection

Narcissists don’t like it when you break away from them, so they will try to get back in your life. Here are some of the ways they might react

1. They’ll tell you that you’re a jerk for leaving them and then move on with their lives.
2. They’ll stalk or harass you because this is their way of trying to control what you do and say.
3. They’ll go around telling people that they were the ones who broke up with you, not the other way around.
4. They may even start a rumour about how bad or crazy of a person you are.
5. If none of these things work, they may also resort to gaslighting or blame shifting where they make up excuses as to why it’s actually all your fault and not theirs. -Some narcissists may manipulate you by saying that if you give them another chance, everything will be different. But deep down inside, they know nothing has changed and nothing ever will change.
6. Another option is for the narcissist to keep pushing your buttons until you finally snap out of your calm demeanour and lash out at him/her. Once this happens, he/she can feel powerful again because now he knows he has the ability to hurt you more than ever before.

9. Hijack your identity to make themselves seem better in comparison

Narcissists like to hijack your identity to make themselves seem better in comparison. It’s not uncommon for them to borrow your clothes, wear your makeup, or pretend they are you and post on social media as you. Plus, they may even copy the way you talk, walk, or laugh – like a real-life version of The Truman Show.

1. I’m not trying to be better than you. It just looks that way because people see me as more confident and together than they do you.
2. I wish we were closer so that you could see that it’s really not about being better than you at all! But until then, please let me have my fun with this game of one-upmanship.
3. Hey, if it makes us both feel good about ourselves, who cares? And finally:
4. If this is what it takes to be close to you then so be it!
5. Why don’t you let me be happy too? 6 That sounds great, but can we put some limitations on how much time per day is devoted to mirroring each other?
6. Let’s work out some boundaries so that we can still have time to explore our own individuality while still maintaining the connection.
7. Just kidding! I know there will never be any connection between us, but it doesn’t hurt to try right?
8. 10. Love bombing

Narcissists will do what they can to keep you hooked, including a technique called love bombing. Love bombing is when the narcissist showers you with praise, affection, and gifts. This tactic often works on people who are lonely or in need of validation.

The more attention you give them, the more power they have over your thoughts and feelings. Over time this could be damaging as it changes your self-image or sense of worth.

Another way narcissists react when they can’t control someone is by devaluing them so that they feel unworthy or like there’s something wrong with them. They might spread rumors about them, try to isolate them from their friends and family, or even gaslight them.

Gaslighting involves manipulating someone into questioning their sanity by pointing out how the narcissist is hurting them.

A final reaction narcissistic individuals have when they can’t control someone is trying to project their own issues onto you which deflects any responsibility away from themselves. A common projection technique is telling you that you’re selfish if you don’t agree with everything they say.

See How to Manipulate a Narcissist

Conclusion

Narcissism is a form of mental illness that can lead to extreme emotional and physical abuse. It is important to look out for the warning signs of this disorder in order to protect yourself and those around you from being taken advantage of.

Narcissists thrive on control, so it is important to not let them have any power over your life. Maintain healthy relationships with people who love and respect you for who you are, and don’t put up with toxic people who refuse to stop trying to manipulate or degrade you. Remember: the best way to deal with narcissists is by no longer putting up with their antics.