Lying in any relationship always leads to trust issues, but they can be fixed if you take the right steps to earn back your partner’s trust. If you really want to repair the damage that you caused, here are nine ways to gain trust back in your relationship after lying.
1) Assess the Situation
Before you can fully repair your trust in your significant other, you need to understand how and why lying came about in your relationship. Was it because of something legitimate like work? Or was it more likely due to laziness or immaturity?
Once you have a better idea of what’s going on, take time to decide whether or not you even want to fix things. If being honest is really important to you, now is the time for introspection: Are there ways that you may be unintentionally contributing to (or even encouraging) lying?
Can honesty be managed more effectively moving forward? Whatever conclusion is reached, sitting down together and having an open discussion about honesty will likely help build trust going forward.
2) Admit What Happened
Honesty is critical for regaining your trust. Don’t beat around the bush and try to spin your lies into something else, just admit that you made a mistake and accept whatever consequences come with it.
It will be hard, but it’s necessary if you want your relationship to survive. A heartfelt apology also goes a long way toward helping things move forward; don’t just give lip service—get out there and make amends as much as you can.
The first step is owning up to your actions and apologizing for whatever you did. You don’t have to provide excuses or explanations for what happened; all you need to do is take full responsibility for your actions and apologize sincerely. Don’t let past transgressions come between you and your relationship; learn from them, instead.
4) Ask for forgiveness
A heartfelt apology means little if it’s not accompanied by an earnest effort at making things right. If possible, ask your partner how they might like to see things improve—and put their suggestions into action!
Be as specific as possible with how you plan on changing, so that your partner can be sure that these changes aren’t just fleeting attempts at making amends.
4) Be Specific about What Happened
Without getting into all of it, let’s just say you really messed up and lied to your significant other. Don’t apologize for lying, but do make sure they know what you did and why you did it. Also, confess as soon as possible after doing whatever is wrong.
The longer you hold off on admitting what happened and how deeply sorry you are for hurting them, the worse things will get. Sure, wait until they’re not mad anymore before saying something—just don’t wait too long or chances are they’ll never forgive you. And if your relationship doesn’t survive that breach of trust, then it wasn’t meant to be anyway. Now go out there and make amends!
5) Know When to Say Sorry Twice
Knowing when to say I’m sorry is important, but apologizing only once can actually hinder your chances of regaining trust. Researchers at Michigan State University found that couples who were in trouble and forced to apologize for a mistake were less likely to be forgiven if they apologized just once than those who said it twice.
In addition, those who repeated their apology were also more likely to be forgiven. In other words, never assume you’ve made amends after saying you’re sorry.
Make sure your partner knows you understand your transgression and that you intend not to make it happen again—by being extra attentive, surprising with an apology gift or anything else that reinforces what went wrong before—before you consider yourself absolved of all guilt.
6) Do What You Can to Make Things Better
Once you’ve lied, it can be difficult to regain trust. But there are still things that you can do. If you lie about something and then immediately confess your lie, then it can be easier for your partner or friend to forgive you.
For example, if you say that you lost their favourite watch at work but eventually realize that you accidentally left it at home, owning up right away makes them more likely to believe what else you say and not question everything else they may ask.
Being honest with yourself and learning how to deal with your emotions will help as well—there’s no point lying about something if doing so is going to cause unnecessary pain for yourself or someone else.
7) Try Not To Lie Again (or at least try hard!)
Honesty is at least 50 per cent of building trust, experts say. Don’t just tell your partner you’re not going to lie again; show them you can be trusted. Think about all your lies and do whatever you can to make amends with those people.
For example, if you lied about who was at fault for some petty squabble between you and a friend, apologize directly to that person the next time you see them. And try your best not to resort to more lies.
Not only will it help rebuild trust; but it’s also an effective way to stop yourself from doing something bad habit-wise, like lying or eating junk food or drinking too much coffee!
8) Ask for Forgiveness Instead Of Waiting For It To Happen
Oftentimes, after you’ve lied to someone and caused harm in your relationship, that person will never trust you again. The best way to make up for lying is not to wait for that person’s trust to return; it’s actually going above and beyond before they even think of trusting you again.
For example, every night when your significant other comes home from work, bring them flowers with a handwritten note saying how much you appreciate them.
9) Work On Yourself So That You Don’t Rely on Lying as a coping mechanism
As much as it can be hard, try to work on yourself so that you don’t have to rely on lying as a coping mechanism. Be willing to get some help and support from someone who knows what they are doing.
It might feel tough, but trust me it will be worth it. A solid foundation of trust is something that should never be given up too easily. If your partner isn’t willing to stick around for you through trying times; then maybe they weren’t meant for you in your life.
If you find yourself straying from your better judgement because someone doesn’t seem interested or invested; then move on before you invest too much time into them.
If you are currently working on gaining your partner’s trust back, it can seem like an impossible task. It can be difficult when you know that they will not trust you anymore, and they want nothing more than for you to go away. However, if you love your partner and want them back in your life, there are things that you can do to work towards regaining their trust. Implementing these 9 tips will help you on your way towards rebuilding your relationship with your significant other!